


someday i'll come up with a name for these colors

by onidayo



Series: celestial bodies [4]
Category: JBJ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff without Plot, Introspection, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, product placement lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23221024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onidayo/pseuds/onidayo
Summary: sanggyun, kenta, and the things they can't quite believe are theirs.
Relationships: Kim Sanggyun | A-Tom/Takada Kenta
Series: celestial bodies [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1308608
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	someday i'll come up with a name for these colors

**Author's Note:**

> coda #1 for the starverse series
> 
> title from wolf359 episode 11: "am i alone now?"
> 
> this fic was largely inspired by jbj95's song "unreal" which i love dearly
> 
> unbeta'd

In the morning, Sanggyun cracks his eyes open against the dim sunlight coming through the screen. 

Kenta always insisted that they don't close the blinds, because he likes waking up with the sun, and Sanggyun try as he might could never come up with a reasonable argument against that. So they'd settled on the screen, enough to let the sunlight filter through when they're ready to rise, and Sanggyun doesn't go temporarily blind, so really it's a win for everyone. It's ok. It's only a tiny sacrifice, one of many he's willing to make, for Kenta.

It's not that Sanggyun is particularly a hopeless romantic. He's been in love before this, or so he thinks anyway, fleeting feelings that never quite let him take a hold of him long enough to be able to pin them down. He doesn't let it get the best of him, carries on with his life. Life has happened to him enough that he thinks he knows how to deal with it. But something is always different when it comes to Kenta.

Even as Sanggyun watches his boyfriend stretch against the bed, hair sticking out in every direction, he feels that familiar tug in his heart, the one that's trying to tell him that yes, this is real. Time spent with Kenta always feels like an extended daydream, so it's good to be reminded sometimes that he's very much in this space right now. It's efficient, the way something twists in Sanggyun's chest when Kenta finally opens his eyes and looks at him, rolls over on his side to say hello.

"Morning, sunshine." Sanggyun greets Kenta when their noses almost touch, and Kenta hums in appreciation for the nickname. 

He rubs his eyes, blinks a few times to chase the remnants of the night away. "Morning. Were you watching me sleep again?"

Sanggyun groans and lets himself fall back against his pillow. He's always been the one doing the teasing, with anyone else, but Kenta always seems to get his way.

He doesn't get a word in before Kenta drapes himself over Sanggyun's body, seemingly intent on going back to dreamland.

"Hey, c'mon--" Sanggyun half-heartedly tries to push Kenta off of himself, until he remembers they have nowhere to be today. "Fine." He lets his hand trail lightly along Kenta's back and up to his head, scratches Kenta's scalp until he hears Kenta nearly purr in contentment. "But you're making breakfast later." 

Kenta doesn't protest and he's asleep again within seconds.

For a few long moments, Sanggyun keeps his eyes fixed on the ceiling, listens to the even sound of Kenta's breathing, and wonders how he found himself in this particular situation. He could recount the events logically, the feel of concrete against his knees and the hand that helped him up, the first time he'd help lace Kenta up in a corset, the first time they'd kissed after closing and Kenta had tasted like bitter liquor and strawberry lipgloss. Every moment leading up to this is burned in Sanggyun's memory like images on film. He could recall every box they'd moved into this place, how they nearly set the stovetop on fire their first night, how he'd woken up the next morning to bright sunlight and the line of Kenta's back, and he'd reached out to touch him, and all of it was real.

Nothing in his life before then could have prepared Sanggyun for this, but here he is now, and even after so much time has passed and his wounds have healed, it's hard to grasp that this is his reality. He looks down to where Kenta is still asleep on his chest, places a kiss on top of Kenta's head. 

Their bedside clock hasn't worked in months, and it doesn't matter. 

Sanggyun doesn't sleep but he listens, counts Kenta's heartbeats - they never quite match his own, but maybe that's the beauty of it. He knows the two of them operate on different wavelengths, complementary rather than identical, and it's always worked. It shouldn't, maybe, but it's always worked.

Against him, Kenta stirs a little, whines in the back of his throat and tightens his arm around Sanggyun. He doesn't wake up, doesn't slip away. Sanggyun traces patterns on Kenta's back, idle and continuous. They don't mean anything, because they don't need to. He checks on Kenta from time to time, feels the slow rhythm against his chest, sees the specks of gold in Kenta's hair from the sun still streaming, bright and unbending, from the window. 

Kenta's always had a penchant for everything that sparkles. It's one of the first thing Sanggyun leans about him, and it's one of the first things Sanggyun grows to love about him. He spends days getting the glitter out of his hair after their first outing together at the bar, finds some on his clothes from time to time, and he leaves it there. 

He carries it with him. 

It's only when Kenta's stomach starts complaining that he wakes up, feigning outrage as he opens his eyes and finds Sanggyun still there and unmoving. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier, I'm starving now!" He pouts, hair falling in his face as he sits up on the bed.

"Good thing you're making breakfast then." Sanggyun grins, because even if he can't find it in himself to be annoyed at the jab, he still gets a kick out of poking fun at Kenta. "Let's go, get up, Sleeping Beauty. You're not yourself when you're hungry."

Kenta jumps on his back the moment they're both out of bed, and Sanggyun carries him out to the kitchen, soaks up as much of Kenta's warmth as he can.

___

"Hold on, fuck, I think I'm going to pass out, or die, or both, in that order." Sanggyun puts both hands on his hips and bends forward, breathing heavy and rough.

Kenta stretches his arms over his head. "Tapping out?" He tries to catch a glimpse of Sanggyun's face but Sanggyun turns away from him. "One day, young man, one day, you'll beat the master." 

Sanggyun collapses on the couch and Kenta decides to put him out of his misery, turns off the TV before he joins Sanggyun in his misery bubble. 

"Why can't we just go to the gym?" Sanggyun asks, defeated but still pulling Kenta against him. 

"Because," Kenta leans in to kiss Sanggyun's cheek, "Why go sweat in a room full of strangers when I can sweat in my living room kicking my boyfriend's ass at Dance Dance Revolution?" 

Sinking further into the couch, Sanggyun makes a pained noise. 

"Besides, it's closer to what I actually need for my performances. Cardio, rhythm, all that jazz." Kenta lists them off one by one even though he knows Sanggyun has heard it all before. 

Sanggyun smiles up at him from where he's nearly being swallowed by their ratty old couch, and Kenta knows the issue is already over and done with. "You know best."

Early on, Kenta kept wondering why Sanggyun went along with all of this. Why he'd always help Kenta get into drag, why he tried and failed to tame the bar's old smoke machine, and tried again anyway, why he always agreed to another round of DDR at the nearby arcade despite knowing he was going to end up on his ass. They shouldn't have worked this way, two puzzle pieces with jagged edges.

It didn't make sense, until one day Kenta had simply asked, and then it did.

"I love you."

They say the words so often now that some would think they'd become obsolete, lost their meaning entirely. But Kenta knows they're the only thing that makes any kind of sense to him in this world sometimes, so he keeps saying it. 

"I know." Sanggyun smirks, and he pulls Kenta down with him.

The sun is barely setting now but Kenta feels like he could rewind to this morning and fall asleep again, just like this, listening to Sanggyun's heartbeat slowing down and falling back into place.

With time, Kenta has learned that sometimes it's best not to wonder how or why things happen, and to just appreciate that they do. But sometimes he still wants to know if some star in the sky realigned its trajectory to allow him to be here now.

He remembers the first night Sanggyun spent with all of them at the bar, and how it felt like he'd been here since the beginning of time, somewhere in Kenta's heart. He remembers asking Sanggyun to stay with him, to make a home, and the day they'd repainted the living room wall, and the time they stayed up all night counting shooting stars. Kenta remembers how he'd been told his entire teenage years that he'd never have anything like this. Now he holds on to everything that he can, not out of spite but because he's above the pain now, and only the light remains. Every moment is kept somewhere deep and precious in the confines of Kenta's memory, and one day he'll be able to piece together this life, look back on it. 

For now he's content with the mess, the way his fingers tangle with Sanggyun's, the unusual but pleasant quiet, how the sunset drowns everything in gold. It's warm here. 

It's almost spring.


End file.
